Tuesday, 11 November 2008

The Huntress

The Credit Crunch has of course knocked everyone for Six including the City Slickers. I am a resourceful working Girl and have been on the look out for bargains as many of the High Street Stores have started their January Sales early.

While I am single I am sadly still looking for Mr Right and I am yet to find him. As many of us Girls know the new Metro Sexual man is not up to much and Mr Perfect is a scare commodity. All blokes of course want to ***** us. Unfortunately as we all work long hours I am reluctant to give up the favourable Single Life to share with someone else. At the end of the day all I want to do is a hot bath and shower, relaxing rub down and chill out with some nice music. Then of course Hit the sack for a long ZZ.

The Great modern dilemma us Girls is there an Honest bloke out there, who is not two timing his pretty wife or the local Office Top Totty. I suppose we cannot have it all. My Biological clock is ticking and I can feel at times quite broody and jealous of those women who have the domestic Bliss. I think you should be supicious of any woman who claims to have it all. Children, High Powered Career and a nice man in the sack to bring you tea on a Saturday morning.

I also hate those Office Super Bitches that pretend that they are all work and No Play. They have of course lovely manicured nails, but really will give you nasty scratch if you are not careful. They believe that the only way to get on is to be more masculine then the men and that they are super hard. You can always spot them a mile off as they donot wear perfume and never us Girly nail polish. They are really scary if you happen to look them in the eye in a Stepford Wife sort of way. These are the DCI Tennison Ball Buster women who look hard and will break a mans balls and are hard core ultra Feminists. They never wear skirts and will always wear uphemistically the Power Trouser Suit.

The Second Type of Woman is the Office Barbie Doll and potential Man Eater. They are of course impossibly beautiful and usually Blonde. Sophie one of my friends belongs to this curious breed. Sophie always knows how to please a man and wears an impossibly beautiful outfit and Skirt. She had at one time a man in accounts on the Go as well as her current boyfriend. She claimed he was only a one night stand but was obviously trying to sleep her way to the top of the Office.

The Third is the House Wife. She has a hungry brood to feed and has a hard time trying to please her husband, look after the Kids and pay the Bills. I always feel sorry for this sort as they have hard time trying to get by but of course on the other I admire their Selflessness in a mother Theresa sort of way.

The Fourth is the Librarian who is a Greying Middle aged Spinster and is starting to loose her looks and appeal. These are fantastically intelligent and always have two or three Jackie Collins novels on the go. They are the first to pipe up in the Office meeting when everyone is present at the Post Coital Monday morning meeting after a fantastic heady weekend where you wwer dancing at three am with the tall dark handsome man who is a banker at a London Club. Of course on Monday you pay the price with a vengeance with a Hangover and bleary eyes not a good look.

Your dimwitted boss who of course some how always look impossibly well turned out and enthusiatic says,' Is there anyone here who wants to take the Minutes'. I never can understand why Males and most of the Suited and Booted Bosses are always so cheerful on Monday. They are truly undead in that they donot have a Life and come accross as supiciously perfect.

Give me my Monday Morning hangover and two Asprins and black Coffee anyday of the week. To the life of an autotonom. We are all machines and to use Thomas Hobbes phrase, ' Life in the State of nature is always nasty, brutish and Short'. Therefore for me I am always will be a 3 Am Girl who while has a load of shortcomings is up there on a mans Top Totty list.

I like to think of myself as the fourth kind the Huntress or Tigress. I am a combination of all of the above. I am of course single and donot have the security of the House Wife type. All though I would love to have what they have. Us Huntresses are always clever and are on the prowl of course for men. I too can be at times a Blonde Barbie. I will never be a DC Tennison as they are really men in drag and have nothing feminine about them. Of course when I reach the age of fifty I will probably turn into a Librarian.

I am of course hoping to turn into a Mrs Robinson type figure, Glamouress and with the use of Cosmetic Surgery hopefully will have found security with a rich young Cambridge Graduate.
I course want to marry and maybe have one kids and a lovely house and a man in the sack to bring me toast and a cup tea on Saturday.

Sarah my best friend gave me a call on her mobile and invited me to the Local Amnesty Evening. I selected a beautiful black dress and was invited to drinks and the fund raising Charity Ball. I met this nice man who talked alot about human rights and got me thinking that I should do something to improve the lot of humankind. He was handsome but incredibily dull, and I would have ideally not wrong back after he gave me his number. What is a Girl to do in that he was a milkTray man but dull. So I guess my search for Mr Right continues.

I did my bit and wrote a letter to the Indonesian Embassy in London to complain about Human Rights and to stop the Death Penalty. So the evening wasnot a total waste afterall. I suppose I did learn something from the Milk Tray man from Amnesty.

Monday, 27 October 2008

The Witching Hour- 3AM

I am Le Chat Noir, or Black Cat, which was painted by Rodolphe Salis in 1897 to open the Cabaret of the same name in the Montmarte District of Paris. By habit all Cats are nocturnal and are usually domesticated and like their creature comforts including a warm basket and a glass of Milk and being lazy to curl up by the Fireside asleep. (Miaow).

I still havenot found my Mr Right who like the Christmas Fairy exists only in story books and is fiction. Anyway so I am told you have to work at marriage and it always takes two to Tango which is why modern marriages fail and we have such a high divorce rate.

In these uncertain times of the credit crunch, and collapse of banks no ones future is guaranteed including that of my owner. As I am a hard working Girl in the financial hub of the city I have to earn my pay like everyone else.

Of course being a Black Cat on a part time basis means attending as many parties as possible which is no mean feat during the economic down turn. The financial Crunch hits all city workers where it hurts in their wallets as well as in their pay checks.

Lets face it Girls we also do that men on a regular basis to enjoy our favourite past time which is of course Shopping. We have to buy those dresses to attend parties and keep our men happy . Of course work usually interferes and destroys the happy work life balance ratio.

When you wake up next day with a grim hangover and have to catch a London Bus in the pouring rain on a Monday and you turn over next to a man who was a total stranger who youd donot recognise because of two many Pena qualada's you consumed over the weekend then of course reality bites.

All men of course have the habit of never calling and never seem to remember -Birthdays. It is of course us who are nice and pick up the pieces ;-never forgetting to send one to a friend or relative. Men are completely thoughtless b nature and want us to look glam all the time.

We are on one level Gold Diggers or shallow and manipulative if you are lucky by nature . We are not interested in their hard earnt cash.It is of course true on one level. Who would not want a nice set of dresses to party in ? as well as a Rich handsome millionaire of a husband.

The problem simply put, is that most rich men are too vane, or Metrosexual, spending too much money on Healthcare products. Lets face it, at the end of the day, who wants their man to be is a beautiful as you are. It is us women of course who are the Soul and Life of the Party and we should never be outshone by a handsome man. Although I donot mind if a man looks good in a Tuxedo and expensive Suit. Those Rich bank types are good for their money, but for me they personally work to hard. They of course are having a difficult time of things with a Global Economic meltdown and financial collapse. Mr X who is a rich banking friend of mine and works for a city firm could loose his job, personally I hope he doesnot, but given the economic climate I guess no one is safe.

Anyway with all the cash that they have earnt who can really feel sorry for them. As they will probably a large salary and Golden Handshake pay off deal. It kinda makes you feel sorry for them in some ways. Guys have it so rough and tough in these uncertain times.

The Economists as far as I can tell always have it wrong. This financial meltdown could be

Of course that is never going to happen as they are too few in number and most are two timing no good for nothings other than for Football, sex and of course bringing home the Bacon. All City Men seem to have two women on the Go at the same time or usually turn out to be married.

If like me you are a working Girl then they probably donot even do that and you have to go to a dull job for no pay. I guess I am not the sort of Gal who wants to be chained into the routine of a 9-5 Job.

If you are lucky you will have to settle for a Good GI Joe who stays home and makes the Tea and leaves the room when you want to watch Corrie or East Enders.

I shall be be out on the tiles for Halloween during the 'The Witching Hour'. I love this time of year with its cold Crisp winters and dark nights , as it is a time of mystery , and marks the onset of Winter, or 'All Hallowes Eve' traditionally a pagan ceremony. Of course for me it means attending as many parties as I can over the Halloween weekend as well as carving a pumpkin.

Selecting a dress is always a nightmare even though I dearly love shopping I can never choose and will spend most of my time working my way through the Clothes lines in Harvey Nicks, Miss Selfridge. Being an Air Head I never can make up my mind about men, clothes or anything else, but I guess that is what nature endowed us with.

A Girl has to be thrifty, in these times. So from now on I am going to look for my LBD Little Black Dress in charity Shops. You can never sure what you will find but at least you can avoid that classic problem that happened to one of my friends Sarah S.

It was the Christmas Season, and her man David invited her to the Christmas Party bash. In order to go there she had to select a lovely dress. Of course hard pressed for time she used a mail order firm. There is nothing wrong with ordering on line but you can never be sure whether your outfit matches what you end up with. Also sometimes the size is wrong. All excitedly she arrived to the bash which was the Hilton Metropole. As she is a hard working city Girl, she was late working in the office on a Portfolio deal.

Both Dave herself hired a Taxi rushed accross London. Of course all her colleagues were fairly typsy by the time she arrived. Well as well as to be expected as it was of course a 'Works do'. Lisa her best friend was wearing the same pretty Blue evening dress by Tiffany that she was wearing. So take my advice and make your dress, or hire it , or better still in these austere times buy one that is reasonable from a charity shop. In this way you can always guarantee that you will be the Belle of any ball and that you donot look same as your best friend.

Anyway time for me to sign off and retreat to the Fire and a warm basket until next time. The cold dark night fast approaches.